Brain dump.

wkwk dah masuk iship neeeh, di murung raya kalteng menulis ini dalam keadaan mengantuk dan lelah setelah numpang nyuci di kosan anak cowo bikos di kontrakan cewe air PDAM ga nyala see you tomorrow aja dehhhh, mau nulis di diary tapi kargo-an aku belum nyampeeee! bye, xoxo

I don't know why I fell in love with you, but I felt safe and secure. I could tell what I feel and you listened to me, yo'd never judged me. Dia ngehargain banget ketika aku butuh tenangin diri sendiri dulu. Dia paham kalo aku perlu waktu untuk bener-bener ngerespon emosi sedih dan kecewa aku. Dia tau gimana cara menghadapi dan memvalidasi perasaan dan emosi orang lain. Dia ga maksa aku untuk cerita dan nyelesein semuanya dalam satu waktu. I can't thank enough, bagi aku rotasi stase mayor yg itu cukup berat. Tapi dengan dia, rasanya bisa aku lewati dengan lebih mudah. Jujur sulit banget buat move on. Tapi setelah malam itu dia kasi penjelasan, harusnya aku bisa lebih lega untuk ngelepasin perasaan ini satu persatu. Makasih banget karena udah jadi bagian dari kenangan manisku, terutama saat koas. Aku berharap semoga suatu hari nanti kamu bisa dapet pasangan yang baikkkk banget, yg bisa menambahkan kebahagiaan dalam hidup kamu d...

And it's really such a shame It's such a shame 'Cause I was Miss "Here to stay" Now I'm Miss "Gonna be alright someday" And someday maybe you'll miss me But by then, you'll be Mr. "Too late" Goodbye Mr. "Perfectly fine" How's your heart after breakin' mine? Mr. "Always at the right place at the right time, " baby Goodbye Mr. "Casually cruel" Mr. "Everything revolves around you" I've been Miss "Misery" for the last time And you're Mr. "Perfectly fine" You're perfectly fine Mr. "Look me in the eye and told me you would never go away" You said you'd never go away

Last night, I heard that you're with someone else now. I think I really need to move on. No, I must move on, right? It will be very hard and hurted if I still have this feeling for you. I must say goodbye. That's okay, Irma. That's okay.

I swear it hurts me a lot to miss u like this. I wish I could forget u without even trying. Now I can't hear ur voice so I keep repeating the song u used to sing over and over again. I'm feeling so stupid. ....tak tahu bagaimana aku tanpa dirimu, tak pernah terbayangkan, sepi merindu.... Wed, April 5th 2023. 00:12.

I thought I will be fine. I am content with myself, I am enough and I will be okay with or without you. Yes, I am and I'm sure I will, but... But... I can't deny that you are special , and I miss you.  Isn't it normal to miss a special thing in your life? It has been 8 months since we first being partner in surg. rotation. I don't know why we became strangers; out of the blue. You didn't say anything but "nothing is wrong". But why is everything seems so wrong for me? I've been archiving your chat, but I can't stop opening my archive. I used to think to delete all of our convo, but it's hard, my fingers can't even move to the option. They said if we fall in love with someone for over 6 months, then it will be a real love. Is it just a real love FOR me , but not for you? Is it only me who catch the feeling? I know you left me, and I have to move on. Just like what you do. You know I'm in this phase of denial and acceptance, back and fort...